Stu The Wise for President

Remembering my last run for the presidency, particularly the accusations from backers of ordained minister Mike Huckabee that feared Mitt Romney’s prayers, “…wouldn’t be heard by God,” and that by voting for Romney you were actually voting for the Devil himself, I decided to ensure that my prayers would not only be heard, but that God would be forced to hear my prayers.

Thus, there would be absolutely no doubt from the Christian-right that I am not only the proper choice for President, but that I am the only legitimate choice of any God-fearing person.

But how in the world would I do that? Imagine my relief when I stumbled across the Universal Life Church Monastery. Thanks to their online ordination, I could become an ordained minister on the spot! And so I did:

And now the Great Beyonder has no choice but to hear me!

Stu The Wise… now taking prayer requests and guaranteeing your salvation in exchange for your vote in 2012.

It’s time for the people to take back their nation!

You can make a difference by voting for Stu The Wise for President in 2012. Over the coming weeks, months, and years I’ll be telling you exactly why the smartest decision you’re likely to ever make in your life is to vote for Stu The Wise for President in 2012.

But if you want to get serious about making the world a better place, forget about reducing your carbon footprint, feeding starving children in Africa, or shoveling your frail neighbor’s walk in the winter and get it in your head that you will vote for Stu The Wise in 2012!