Stu The Wise for President

Remembering my last run for the presidency, particularly the accusations from backers of ordained minister Mike Huckabee that feared Mitt Romney’s prayers, “…wouldn’t be heard by God,” and that by voting for Romney you were actually voting for the Devil himself, I decided to ensure that my prayers would not only be heard, but that God would be forced to hear my prayers.

Thus, there would be absolutely no doubt from the Christian-right that I am not only the proper choice for President, but that I am the only legitimate choice of any God-fearing person.

But how in the world would I do that? Imagine my relief when I stumbled across the Universal Life Church Monastery. Thanks to their online ordination, I could become an ordained minister on the spot! And so I did:

And now the Great Beyonder has no choice but to hear me!

Stu The Wise… now taking prayer requests and guaranteeing your salvation in exchange for your vote in 2012.

If you happen to have $750 million you’d like to donate to me, that would be great! It would make life a lot easier if I could just buy the Presidency.

However, if you are not in a position to donate gigantic sums of cash, there is still plenty that you can do! In addition to keeping an eye on this blog, you can also follow me on Twitter, YouTube, and become a fan of my Facebook page.

Remember, if we can get 1 million fans on Facebook, America will be forced to make me their President! Together, we will take back this nation… then hand it over to me!

Thank you everybody for your support!